Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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