summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
