Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
