Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
