I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
