did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Randomize
