im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
