I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
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And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
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Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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