loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
