You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
