I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
