On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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