My room smells like vodka and shame
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
