You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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