y did u give ur computer a hand job?
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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