New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
