Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
