oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
