fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
