I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize