Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
