Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
