dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
