She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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