I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I lost the right to judge tonight
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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