Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
i think my cat just said my name.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
