the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
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