When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
