Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
