remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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