Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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