Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Can I color on your dick again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
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