We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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