I want to walk on stilts...naked
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
