I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
