i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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