Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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