Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
