So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
