I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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