he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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