dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
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we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
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Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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