i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
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