At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
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