Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
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Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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