I think my vagina is haunted
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
