Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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