Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
