How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
