About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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