i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
