There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
