The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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