The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
