wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
