so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
