You don't have asthma, your pregnant
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
