I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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