Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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