For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Everclear isn't food dammit
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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