it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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