if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
