She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
