Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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